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This was heartfelt teaching Nick, Question: We having a youth center close where i work…they are very difficult non respectfull hurting loud aggressiv and provocing… Can i work meeting them the same way working with emotions… Ignore their behavoir or not react to their behavoir… Showing borders doesnt work at all… they cause a lot of Emotions coming up…so good training field…but i don ‘t like beeing with them at all. Maybe need to listen to your talk again.
People who are still developing need boundaries, however they are also often playing with testing those boundaries. A sense of humor and not getting dragged in is a start. Have you ever watched Cesar Milan (https://www.cesarsway.com/) He trains dogs, but often he says that it’s the owners that need training. If parents are not setting good examples and boundaries it’s hard for kids. So some kind of sense of humor. Working with emotions as I was speaking of, was primarily an inner experience, however if we learn to “ride the energy” of others, like we might an emotion, we can be nimble and responsive. We don’t “take on water” with a sense of space and humor, we care; but we don’t take it personally, that others are confused.
Trying to apply this to an “I’m not feeling supported by my partner” situation this weekend and interesting to notice that even though I think I’m staying with the tightness in my throat, the ache in my chest, the churning in my stomach, the sting of tears, the clenched jaw, I’m actually totally lost in the stories about the hurt, the anger, the loneliness, etc., so it feels like the emotion is lasting 90 minutes, not 90 seconds, and I just want it to stop, dammit! I definitely see how our practice of coming back to the breath helps with coming back to the felt sense of the emotion and recognizing when I’m spinning in my head. Relationships are so hard 🙂
Sorry, hit “Post comment” too soon 🙂 Coming to that thought, that relationships are so hard, for him, for me, for all of us, does bring some softness and some spaciousness both in my head and in my heart, maybe that’s part of the trough? I don’t feel “okay” quite yet, I think there are a few more incoming peaks (and troughs).
I know what you mean!! – it is 90 seconds duration without adding to the wave- getting sucked in to the story seems to give more energy to next wave. Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor’s book, A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey goes deeper, she also has a TedTalk – she is who Pema was quoting.”All emotions last for less than 90 seconds”, Taylor explains. If anything continues after that it is because we have added our own story and chosen to hold on to the emotion…..” Well it doesn’t feel like a choice!!! It can happen so quickly that we find our attachment seeds were sewn before. However relationships provide the best exposure to working with emotions, we can be grateful to our partners for the “help” 🙂
Ha! Yeah. Gee, thanks honey. So kind of you to do that for me, lol 🙂 It’s amazing how subtle the thoughts can be though, I think that’s what jumped out at me most this time, I really didn’t think I was thinking 🙂 And Jill’s TED talk and her book were incredibly moving – to be able to “watch” herself having a stroke and then go through the recovery process. Wow!
Enjoyed examining this, very good stuff, regards . “Be not careless in deeds, nor confused in words, nor rambling in thought.” by Marcus Aurelius Antoninus.
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